I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
