So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
