Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
