Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
