i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
