when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
