im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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