Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am mentally ready for anal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
