you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
