I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
