is your mom at the bar?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
