she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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