dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
