Please, let me fuck your mom
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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