Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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