I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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