Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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