Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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