I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
