So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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