oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
