if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
