i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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