Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
