didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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