The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
