I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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