Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
