I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
