dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
