I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
