he puts the penis in happiness.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
