i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
