help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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