She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
