haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
