Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
