omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
