My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
