How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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