I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
