Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
