I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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