I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I smell stomach acid.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
