I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
