I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
