Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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