mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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