mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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