can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
